Today is my last full day in my house. When I wake up tomorrow morning, I’ll be doing last minute cleaning and packing in preparation for the movers to arrive. Then, I’ll meet up with my new tenants and hand over the keys. It still feels a little unreal, but I’ve been thinking about making this change for a while…

Parring Down & Pulling Up Roots

I’ve been looking to pull up some of my roots in Dallas and to lead a less tethered life. A life with more travel. I know a number of people, mostly minimalist and travel bloggers, who live with almost no possessions traveling from place to place with nothing more than the pack on their back and what they can carry. That’s not what I’m looking to do.

I’m aiming to live with less so I can spend my time and energy on what matters, and for now, that means renting out of my house.

There’s a lot of stuff that goes along with a house, ongoing maintenance. I’m tired of doing it all by myself. As I started to think about what the next few years of my life might entail, I decided I wanted to travel more and have a little more freedom financially to take the next steps I’ve been planning.

I wanted to feel lighter, more nimble. So I sold or donated all of the things that I wouldn’t miss or need in the near future, and I kept only the things that I love and the things that I can imagine using very soon.

Where will I go?

Thankfully, my roots in Dallas run deep. So I have a place to lay my head and a closet in which to store the small number of things I’ve decided to keep. Then, I have the time and freedom to make any other changes that make sense without feeling rushed to do everything at once.

I’m also hoping to spend more time in NYC, San Francisco, Portland, and ultimately abroad… Trips to Southeast Asia, Northern Africa (probably Morocco or Egypt, not Libya…), and anywhere in South America are all on the list.

What if I regret it?

There is a lot I will miss about living here. My house has been my refuge, which also makes it really easy to stay holed up here, well inside my comfort zone. It’s close to my friends and family, and I will definitely miss that.

I don’t expect to live this way forever, and I have a really great house. So I decided to let someone else live here for a little while instead of selling it. Then I can undo anything I’ve done in a year’s time if I so desire. It’s only a year.

What next?

It is a mistake to look too far ahead. Only one link on the chain of destiny can be handled at a time. – Sir Winston Churchill

I’m not sure it’s a mistake to look far ahead, but I definitely think it’s a mistake to plan too far ahead without leaving room for chance and change. I have an idea of what I want the next few years to look like, and I’m doing my best to make it happen, but not all of it is under my control.

So I’m doing what I can and planning for contingencies, while leaving the rest open — to be handled one link at a time.

In the introduction to The Art of Possibility, Roz (co-author of the book) tells the story of falling out of a boat as it’s navigating Class 5 white water rapids. It’s too good of a story to pass up. So I decided to adapt it and retell it here…

The Story of Roz & The Rapids

The story begins as she’s getting initial instructions for the trip:

“If you fall out of the boat … it is very important that you pull your feet up so that you don’t get a foot caught in the rocks below… Think toes to nose,’ [the instructor] stressed, and [giving] a precarious demonstration, bracing herself and hoisting one foot toward her nose, “then look for the boat and reach for the oar or the rope.’”

She thinks to herself, “Got it. Toes to nose. Look for the boat.”

As they load up into the van to head down to the river…

Repeated again. Toes to nose. Look for the boat.

As they zip up their wet suits and don the life preservers…

Toes to nose. Look for the boat. Really?!#!

By the time they reached at the river’s edge, the group had heard the two phrases so many times that Roz saidshe felt slightly crazed and wondered to herself if someone involved is mentally challenged. Again, as they stand together for their final instructions, the instructor asks what they should do if they fall out of the boat. “Toes to nose. Look for the boat,” the group repeats in unison, a little annoyed, but humoring the instructor one last time before they’re finally sent downstream.

All is well until partway through the journey when the group enters the only class 5 rapids, and Roz is sent flying overboard into the white water. She says of the experience:

“I vanished into a wall of water that rose up at the stern of the raft, as into a black hole. Roiling about underwater, there was no up and down, neither water nor air nor land. There had never been a boat. There was no anywhere, there was nothing at all.”

Thanks to the instructor’s crazy repetition, Roz summed the words, “Toes to nose. Look for the boat,”as she was being tossed back and forth under the water. It was as if the boat appeared from nowhere right when she looked for it she said.

After what must have seemed like an eternity, Roz safely reemerged from the churning water, was pulled back into the boat, and quickly found herself traveling safely down the river through the rapids again.

Getting Back in the Boat

Being out of the boat is now a metaphor Roz has adopted and applied since the experience. Not only did the feeling of being out of the boat resonate with me when I first read it, but the metaphor itself has stuck with me too. According to Roz, being ‘out of the boat’ is more than beyond just being off track. She says:

“[I]t could refer to something as simple as losing all memory of ever having been on an exercise program, or it could refer to floundering in the wake of a management shake-up. When you are out of the boat, you cannot think you way back in; you have no point of reference. You must call on something that has been established in advance … like toes to nose.”

I had to laugh when I read that! Thankfully I can only imagine how it would feel to be out of the boat in class 5 rapids, but still I think it’s the perfect metaphor for those times where you’re blindsided by life’s challenges. I can definitely identify with being out of the boat, and I tend to agree that you can’t simply think your way back in. It involves some thinking, but mostly it involves doing. I have a tendency to believe I can think myself out of any situation. This made me stop and think about how much more important the automatic, conditioned response of doing can be when taking the first steps toward change. Cutting through all the unnecessary clutter.

With all the talk of resolutions this time of year, I can’t help but recommend The Art of Possibility. It walks through 12 practices that can serve as metaphorical reminders throughout life, like Toes to Nose. I love their approach and have been giving copies of the book to many friends and family members, even a few of you here. It’s definitely worth a read, especially if you’re feeling a little less than engaged by your resolutions!

Since reading it, I’ve come up with my own Toes to Nose style mantra for when life is crazy, and I feel like my hair is on fire. I’ll share it with you in the next post, but first…

What do you think? Does this “out of the boat” metaphor resonate with you? How do you get back in the boat when you feel underwater?

How do you know when it’s time to lay down your cards or when it’s time to double down and push through?

Work & Life Lessons from The Gambler

While Kenny Rogers’ famous song The Gambler might not be your first stop when looking for life lessons on knowing when to quit, I think it’s worth a second look.  Read on…

“You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table.
There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.

Ev’ry gambler knows that the secret to survivin’
Is knowin’ what to throw away and knowing what to keep.
‘Cause ev’ry hand’s a winner and ev’ry hand’s a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.”
- The Gambler, Kenny Rogers

Ann’s Risky Gamble

What risks are you willing to take? I was recently introduced to a woman by a mutual friend at a swanky social event. We’ll call her Ann. As we were introduced, we quickly discovered we were all lawyers. Ann works for a large law firm doing commercial litigation and defending large companies, like mine.  It seemed immediately clear to me that this woman had the same strength of personality and intelligence as our mutual friend. And, her modest, but visible tattoo, striking black hair, and 4 inch red heels showed a certain amount of individuality (maybe even rebellious nonconformity) in light of the very traditional trappings of a Big Law life.

I was impressed and imagined that she must have carved out a comfortable spot within that environment for the dynamic person she is.  So when I told her that I had left law firm life a while ago to go in-house, her reaction surprised me more than most…  I didn’t expect the to hear that she’d never wanted or expected to end up at a big firm or to hear her say, “sometimes I feel like it’s eating my soul.”

Sometimes I feel like it’s eating my soul??

She even said it in a nonchalant tone and with little recognition of the gravity of her statement. Rarely at a loss for words, I looked at her in surprise, with no response and no reassurance. There really wasn’t any to give at that point.

Life is full of risks, but gambling with my soul is not a risk I’m willing to take.

Hold or Fold?

Whether it’s leaving a job or a relationship, the decision making process itself isn’t something we talk much about. Plenty of people address what to do after you’ve left… Get back in the dating game, start your own business, or make the most of your first 90 days.  But, deciding when to quit is harder.

Recently, I came across a book that addresses just this question. It’s called The Dip: A Little Book That Teaches You When to Quit (and When to Stick), by Seth Godin.  Godin poses three questions to ask yourself before you quit:

1) Am I panicking?

2) Who am I trying to influence?

3) What sort of measurable progress am I making?

To me these questions really get at the heart of the issue. If you’re panicking, stop and slow down. Good decisions are not made from that place. If you’re trying to influence anyone other than yourself, stop. It’s unlikely to work.  And, if you aren’t making any sort of progress, then fold. Quit quickly, and go do something else with your time.

Every Hand’s a Winner & Every Hand’s a Loser

I’m sure that Ann’s job originally provided her an amazing opportunity in the beginning to go along with the baggage that inevitably came with it.  The question is exactly when along the way did that job become such a loser… And how can we avoid staying too long?

Godin’s suggestion is to decide when to quit before you even start. He quotes ultra marathoner Dick Collins who said “[d]ecide before the race the condition that will cause you to stop and drop out. . . If you are making a decision based on how you feel at that moment, you will probably make the wrong decision.”

“The best quitters . . . are the ones who decide in advance when they’re going to quit.”

“If quitting is going to be a strategic decision that enables you to make smart choices in the marketplace, then you should outline your quitting strategy before the discomfort sets in.”

Deciding ahead of time when the job no longer works for you, would minimize staying too long out of the simple fear of change or an overdeveloped sense of loyalty. Looking forward strategically about when to quit would also make us more conscious about positioning ourselves to make an impending big move – both financially and emotionally.  This an idea that I’ve chosen to adopt.  Knowing that when the ace drops, it’s time to fold sounds like a better idea  than simply continuing to add to the pot only to find out in the end that my hand is a loser.

Note: I recommend reading The Dip, and I think it provides plenty of value to merit the $9.32 cost on Amazon, but I do have one note of caution for you… I found Godin’s advice about becoming “the best in the world” – i.e. not quiting and pushing through the Dip – to be lacking and overly simplistic.  So if money is tight, seek it out in a used bookstore or just spend a few minutes flipping through it on your next trip to the Barnes & Noble.

The Best that You Can Hope For

So here’s where I recommend taking leave of The Gambler’s advice. There’s plenty more to hope for than “dying in your sleep.” Change can be hard, but it’s also good.

As many of you already know, I gave my resignation at the end of July to the company I worked at for 5 years. The company where I first became an officer, where I knew the CEO and executive team personally, and where most of them had been there from the beginning as shareholders. The company had faced some challenging times due to overseas expansion and was purchased in April. It wasn’t an easy decision for me to go, but it was time for a change.

Maybe I stayed too long to begin with or maybe I finally got it right. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been there to take the exciting opportunity that came along.

What do you think about deciding the conditions under which you would quit before you actually start?

Happy Fourth of July! We’re half way through 2010 with only six months left until the end of the year and the coming of January 1st, 2011, or 1/1/11.

In preparation for 1/1/11, how about focusing on one thing until the end of the year? Now is as good a time as any to stop waiting and to reassess where you’re headed.

My question for you is:

What’s the one change that would make the biggest difference in your life right now?

I’m willing to bet the answer isn’t far below the surface in your life. It rarely is. Whether you’re ready yet to admit it to yourself or not. If you’re still and you stop to really listen as you ask yourself the question, it’s probably easy to identify.

Finding Your One Thing

Watch for your one thing to turn up when you least expect it. Maybe in conversation, when you think to yourself, “why did I say that”? Maybe in daily life, when you realize how adjusted you’ve become to something that simply no longer works for you. Or maybe, it will even show up in your dreams.

If you’re stuck, write out a list of all the things that you resolved to change at the beginning of the year or that you would change now, then leave the list and walk away. Come back to it later, and see which one sticks out to you.

Or, reword the question, and for a moment assume that you can’t fail… So if you were assured success at changing or doing that one thing, what would it be? Imagine what it looks like for a few minutes.

One Thing: Question or Answer

Zora Neale Hurston said in Their Eyes Were Watching God, that “there are years that ask questions and years that answer.” If it’s not immediately clear how you will change your one thing, don’t worry.

Maybe this year is the year where you ask the question and seriously consider the who, what, when, where, and why of it. Maybe this year is the year for planning to make it happen and next year is for the happening. Don’t get too wrapped up in those details yet. You simply can’t know that until you identify your one thing and engage with it.

Commit to Doing Your One Thing

The next step is to commit to doing your one thing. You might think that the next step should be planning, but committing should come before planning. If this is really your one thing, then it’s important and you need to do what it takes to make it happen regardless of whether it will take 6 months, a year, or even longer.

As you engage and start the process of changing, opportunities will show up that you never expected and could never have foreseen. You don’t have to have all the answers now, you just have to start the process and commit to the end.

A Little More Help with Your One Thing

Below is some information from a few of the great bloggers I follow. Check it out when you feel stuck or uncertain.

“What will make the biggest difference to your well-being?
If you looked outside of yourself, you looked in the wrong direction.
It will come when you reclaim the presents of each day.”
What will make the biggest difference? by Charlie Gilkey at Productivity Flourishing

“Too many of us wake up and fill our days will a thousands tiny actions. We’re busy from the moment we open our eyes to the moment our heads hit the pillow. Yet, when someone asks, “hey, what’d you DO today?” we can barely recall.Because we were acting in the name of acting, of filling moments, rather than moving TOWARD something.”
What’s Your Trajectory?, by Jonathan Fields at Awake @ the Wheel

“The key to simple goal setting is to not have too many goals. In fact, regular readers know that I advocate One Goal when possible. While that’s not always possible for some people, having too many goals makes things complicated and requires a more complicated system for keeping track of your goals.” Really Simple Goal Setting, by Leo Babauta at Zen Habits

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So, what’s your one thing? Be brave and tell us about it in the comments below. No answers or plans needed. Just tell us about the one thing that needs changing…

Here’s part two of my friend Jenn’s story, From Epidemiologist to Bartender… We left her in the last post as she was settling in to her life working at Marble Brewery in Albuquerque. Here she is again, in her own words:

Unexpected Opportunity

When I finally became okay with not working in public health, I got a surprising phone call…

I was asked to interview for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention/World Health Organization’s Stop Transmission of Polio (STOP) public health initiative. I had applied a few months before my contract ended and had given up on being selected since so many months had passed.

I have worried that taking this time off will hurt me when I try to return to my field. I don’t see my time off as detrimental. I believe it should be looked at as a positive. I made a big change, I figured out how to do it, and I’ve learned from it skills I wouldn’t have gained otherwise… How is any of that to be frowned upon?

In my interview for STOP at the end of December, I had to explain that I was “only bartending” at the moment. I still remember hearing the “Oh…” on the other end of the line. But since I’d had time to think about why I was doing this, I was able to bring to light the positives of “just bartending.” I let my recruiter know that I had made this decision because I had worked hard during my 20s and wanted some time to chill and think about my next steps.  I explained how I planned and saved for this time. I explained that I can better handle all types of people and situations now since I’ve been working in a pub. I must have impressed her because she offered me the job.

I will leave for training in May and then depart for the Philippines in June. I’ll be gone all summer. And I am so very much looking forward to the experience and doing public health work again. It’s scary, but it’s the experience that I have wanted for years – even though it isn’t a paid position.

I smile when I think about this type of work… I’m going to do something I’m passionate about – preventing disease. I’m going to work with people, not just numbers. I’m doing this because it’s what motivates and inspires me and it’s simply what I want to do. I’m proud of myself… I’m proud of myself for following my dreams and figuring out how to reach them, even if I had to carve out my own unique path to do so.

Swallow the Fear, and Make It Happen

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that if I want something, or a change, to just go for it. Even if I “fail,” I have succeeded because I tried and not everyone does even that. I don’t know what my life holds for me when I return. I’m fortunate to have my job when I return. Marble truly is a special place and it’s awesome that my employers and coworkers support me doing this.

I’ve often heard people say they are jealous of my decision and wish they could do it. Well, anyone can. You just do it… Swallow the fear, and make it happen. It isn’t easy, but it is possible, and I would do this all again. Yes, I would. It was one of the best decisions of my life.

Far too often I hear of people hating their jobs, I can relate because I once was that person. It isn’t worth it. Yes, one might leave a safety net… but what good is that safety if you are miserable? Oh, you might have this retirement, or that health insurance, or whatever… but what about now? Are you going to keep living for later or for now? I choose now. It isn’t always easy, and it is as scary as hell most of the time, but I always ask myself, “When I’m 80 and sitting in my rocking chair, will I regret not doing this?” If the answer is yes, then I take a deep breath, smile, laugh, and take that next step.

I share in hopes that my story will inspire others, who aren’t completely fulfilled with their current situation, to take that first step out of their comfort zone to “follow their bliss.”

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Update: Jenn has just finished her training in Atlanta and is preparing to leave for the Philippines. Thanks for letting me share your story, Jenn!

If you’re interested in following Jenn’s adventures abroad, check out her brand new blog.

Today’s post is something a little different. It’s the first part (of two) of a guest post by a friend of mine. What I admire most about her is that she’s always been unabashedly clear about who she is. She listens carefully to her internal compass and follows it. It’s taken her on some interesting journeys while I’ve know her… This is one of those stories.

Meet Jenn, My Free-Spirited & Highly-Educated Friend

After years of hard work, Jenn’s got an impressive list of professional credentials… She graduated at the top of her high school class and moved to Dallas to attend Southern Methodist University (where I met her and) where she earned a BA in Psychology with minors in Biology and Bio-Medical Anthropology. After college, she moved to Washington, D.C. to join the National AIDS Fund AmeriCorps program and the headed north to attend Yale’s School of Public Health. After a short stint in Wyoming for a summer bio-terrorism preparedness internship, she ultimately settled in New Mexico. She’s become a highly experienced and successful epidemiologist after working for the New Mexico Health Department and the Indian Health Service (IHS) doing data management and epidemiology for about 7 years.

For the last six months or so Jenn hasn’t been working in the public health field. She’s been working as a bartender in a local microbrewery, which she calls one of the best jobs of her life.

So I asked Jenn to share her story, and here it is in her own words:

I was out with some friends one night walking under I-25 towards downtown Albuquerque for some drinks, when I said I was thinking of getting a part time job to pay off some debt before my contract with the IHS ended. One of them, who just happened to be a brewer for a local microbrewery, suggested I bartend at the new pub in town called Marble Brewery that would open soon. So I slung beers at night and managed data on Chlamydia (yes, the STD) during the day for about a year and half. I paid off a large amount of debt during this time.

Once the debt was paid off, I started saving. I started saving because the more I thought of doing the same kind of work in my field of public health, the more I knew it wasn’t for me. I can’t count the number of times I sat in my cubicle and cried, I was bored and frustrated and wondered why I had worked so hard for a Master’s in Public Health just to be miserable… I mean, this wasn’t healthy at all! I never once grew up saying to my mother, “Mom, I want to sit in a cubicle in the shades of mental institution grey and manage data all day, every day… Nope, I never once said that, yet, here I was doing just that.

Around this time there was a popular song on country radio (just bear with me, folks) with the following lines:

Missed my alarm clock ringing
Woke up, telephone screaming
Boss man singing his same old song
Rolled in late about an hour
No cup of coffee, no shower
Walk of shame with two different shoes on
Now it’s poor me, why me, oh me, boring
The same old worn out, blah, blah story
There’s no good explanation for it at all

Ain’t no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain’t no need to over-think it
Let go, laughing
Life don’t go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand it
The irrefutable, indisputable fact is
It happens
- Sugarland, It Happens

This was really my life trying to juggle both jobs. I needed a change… I couldn’t just go back to crunching numbers. I was tired of the work, but not the cause. Mostly I was tired of crying about it… So I crunched my personal financial numbers and figured based off what I had saved and made at my 2 shifts a week, I’d be good for about 9 months (which should be enough time to find another job).

I was scared to make this move. I’d worked so hard during my 20s for what I thought would be my dream job, could I just “give it up” now? But I kept telling myself I wasn’t happy ,and well, we all know life is too short to not be happy. I knew there was more out there for me, but I had to go find it.  So I left and went straight to Marble that Wednesday afternoon to ask for more shifts. The timing was good… I would work 4 shifts a week and wouldn’t have to really touch my savings. I was done crying… It was time to change my story. It was time to start laughing again and to enjoy figuring out the next chapters of my life.

So here I was, embarking on my unexpected, but somewhat planned, sabbatical. Now what? I still recall that odd feeling of “what do I do now?” during the first few weeks of my sabbatical.  I felt like I had lost part of my identity.

I had worked hard to become an epidemiologist… It was part of me, a big part of me. No longer having that part of me was odd. I felt like I needed to wake up early every morning and do as many things as I could. I was stressing myself out when I really just needed to relax, but I didn’t know how.

Ultimately, I walked my dog more often. I went to coffee shops and people watched, caught up with friends, read. I exercised. I read. I started cleaning out my casita. I attempted to learn a new language. I finally painted my bedroom. I went on little trips – Austin City Limits Music Festival, 10 year college reunion in Dallas, road trip to see friends and family over the holidays,  and a girls’ weekend in New Orleans. I learned it was okay to sleep until 10 am or 11 am since I don’t finish work until 2 am most shifts, and then don’t get to bed until 3 am.

… to be continued …

What Next?

Jenn’s story reminds me that the work we do is important, but it should also suit who we are inherently – not the other way around. Jenn is a doer, and it’s truly hard for me to imagine her sitting in a cubicle crunching data on a daily basis, but that’s where she ended up before she trusted herself enough to make a change.

Change this big doesn’t happen overnight. It requires stepping back to be still and to see what we really want out of a situation, and then it requires planning.

I’ll have more of Jenn’s story in the next post… And, there’s an interesting twist you might not expect so stay tuned!

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Update: If you’re interested in following Jenn’s adventures abroad, check out her brand new blog.

The saying goes that nothing is certain, but death and taxes. I’d argue that change should be included in that list! We can certainly count on change whether we want it or not…

Change has been on the threshold in my life for at least the last 6 months, and I’ve had a hard time writing freely here without giving away non-public information. So I was quiet. I’m thankful that I was able to see change coming this time from a long ways away so that I could adjust and prepare for it since the end of last year, at least as much as possible.

But, I haven’t been able to talk about it. Until now…

Here’s The News

My employer has finally been acquired by a one of our competitors, and the combined company will be HUGE – the largest company in its category and a force in the industry!

That’s the monumental change that’s been brewing for a while. Any acquisition or merger brings uncertainty and change to the acquired company. Departments are redundant, and people get laid off. Any change necessarily brings with it some feelings of loss and disappointment, but this is especially true at the end of a 17 year old company that so many people I know worked hard to build.

Embracing the Uncertainty Following Change

There’s always a silver lining of some kind if you dig deep enough… I’ve learned a ton in the process, which I could never have learned any other way, including how to notice early warning signs within a company, how individuals react to change, the pace of finalizing a transaction of this size, and how organizations operate in the course of an acquisition. It has changed everything about how I think and operate in my job and in business. My eyes are open now in a way they haven’t been before.

I won’t share specifics here even when I know them, but we don’t know much yet. The transition has begun, and it could mean any number of things to me personally and to the people I know and care about who I’ve worked with for the last 5 years. I’m sure parts of it will be tough. Some of us will have the opportunity to continue working for the company, and some of us won’t. Right now, I’m just glad to be able to speak more freely and that the question of whether it will happen or not is answered. That’s enough for now for me.

I’ll be fine in the process how ever it works out, but I wanted to post about it to explain why the development of posts and projects here stopped. This writing project is important to me because writing is the way I think, and that hasn’t changed despite my temporary hiatus here… I’m back, and I will be posting regularly again.

I hope that you are still interesting in reading and commenting, that your tax returns are already filed, and that your deductions are big!

Sincerely,

Angela

Update: I’m faring well in the transition at work. Mostly because my job doesn’t fit neatly in a box (or an HR job description) and because they don’t have anyone in a comparable role at the new company. So far it’s been an interesting ride and looks to possibly bring some new opportunities for growth or change in my role. We’ll see. 5/12/10

Change came to my life a little over two years ago without any warning. A simple, unexpected movement while jogging left me flat on my back in pain awaiting surgery for a severely herniated disc. What you would naturally expect to be an incredibly difficult time in my life, actually wasn’t.

It was scary to have my health threatened, but I felt more relief than fear. I felt relieved from the crazy pace, the continual pressure, and the persistence of trying to “make something of myself.” I was physically forced to stop everything and to simply exist (in a largely still state) until I woke up in the hospital after surgery and could begin the process of healing.

My health scare wasn’t life threatening, and it pales in comparison to what many people deal with on a daily basis, but it was transformative for me. I recognized then and there that things in my life had to change… Not someday, not soon. Now.

Time for Change

My sedentary lifestyle and long hours at a desk as a lawyer contributed to the back injury I suffered. So as I regained the feeling in my legs I got moving again.  First through physical therapy, and then back in the gym. Soon the movement toward change began to seep into other areas of my life.

I came to realize that much of the needed change had to do with me – how I handled (or didn’t handle) stress and how I thought about my life and my work. Despite my upbringing and true beliefs, I had let myself buy into the idea that work should dominate our lives and that our lives can be measured in things.  In an effort to accumulate personally and professionally, I had neglected all others aspects of my life, except for maybe my family. I had become empty and unfulfilled, and this was my wake up call.

I knew I needed to change, and I was ready to do what was needed, but the question was what and how. I had some false starts in the beginning… I remember thinking at some point that if life could just stop changing and demanding of me for a little while then I could get ahold of things, unburden myself, and get ahead of it. I wanted a “summer break” or a clean slate – a time when I didn’t constantly have one more thing to do or to buy to replace something that just broke, a time without these eventualities. As you (and I) know, it doesn’t exist. But, I was committed and eventually found a path that felt right for me.

A New Path

The distance between where you are and where you want to be is navigated by change. I’ve come to see how small steps over time can lead to big change. It requires planting a seed, nourishing it with your daily habits, and watching it grow and develop in your life. Where I am today is a direct result of multiple, seemingly minor changes I made months ago… Where we find ourselves tomorrow will be a result of the seeds we planted yesterday. I spent a lot of time and energy trying to force things to happen on my timetable, but like the seasons, good change can’t be rushed.

The path I’ve chosen now emphasizes people and experiences over material things and professional recognition at high costs. In about a year’s time, I’ve completely and meaningfully reoriented my life largely by changing what I do outside of the office in my free time - at my leisure. I still work for the same company, and sometimes I work a lot.  I have the same growing, challenging job, and I still desire and achieve professional success, its just not to the detriment of my life anymore.

At the beginning of this new decade, I wanted to stop for a moment to remember the choices that life offers us. The title of this poem should give away it’s source, I came across it when I saw the movie by the same name. The movie may have taken some liberties with the story, but it we can still learn from the poem’s message.

Let’s choose a different path in 2010 - embracing experiences over expensive toys. I know I am.

Invictus, by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.